Motherhood. It’s a role worthy of great respect. It’s a role that is difficult, fraught with fear and uncertainty, and it usually doesn’t receive the respect it deserves.
But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
Does this life equation look familiar to you? Kids + parents + siblings + partner + friends + work + (other responsibilities) = no time for me.
How often have you heard – or said:
- I can’t go out with the girls; I’ve got way too much to do.
- I haven’t purchased new clothes in years. The kids come first.
- I don’t have time for a shower let alone time to do my hair and face.
- Time for myself? (Followed by sad, hysterical laughter.)
- All I want is a good night’s sleep.
Are you sick and tired of living your life like this? Are you feeling overwhelmed, overworked and under-appreciated? Are you irritable and low energy?
You are certainly not alone.
It’s time to change the equation of your life to:
Time for me = more energy and love for taking care of kids + parents + siblings + partner + friends + work + (other responsibilities)
You may currently be chortling while shaking your head and thinking, “You have no idea what my life is like. That sounds like a crazy, impossible dream.”
It is possible, and there is one critical key to the equation: Sensuality. Go back, read it again – SENSuality. The root word is SENSE – as in your five senses. Sensuality is who you are. How you receive and send out information is tied to your authentic self, so being in touch with your sensuality means being in touch with your authenticity.
Sensuality is being present and true to yourself in every moment of your life. Have you ever driven somewhere and had no idea how you got there? That’s because you weren’t present – you weren’t sensual.
Have you ever had a meal where every sense was enlivened? The tastes exploded on your tongue. The aroma’s made you salivate. The conversation completely engaged you. The texture of the table cloth slid through your fingers. The colours excited your vision. In that moment you were fully sensual.
Oh for crying out loud, I’m too busy, your mind objects. Yes, you probably are. Let’s find ways to change that.
Take a moment to visualize an old fashioned water basin. There is a pitcher in the centre with a wide shallow bowl underneath. There is a trickle of water entering the pitcher. The pitcher is you. The water is your sensuality – those moments you take to treat yourself well, be present, and love what you’re doing – things that give you juice, passion and energy. As the pitcher fills, you feel good so you start to give to others; some cleaning for mom, driving the kids around, volunteering at church, and so on. Before you realize it, the pitcher is empty and you’re feeling resentful, bitchy and empty again.
The secret is keeping your pitcher full. Remember that basin under the pitcher? That’s for your overflow. Once your pitcher is full, your basin will start to fill. That’s where you serve others from. When you keep your love of life, your sensuality, and your needs met, then you serve with joy and energy.
One of the most important parts of keeping your pitcher full is to set boundaries and say that difficult little word NO every once in awhile.
Before deciding to take on a request or not, ask:
- Do I want to?
- Do I have the time?
- Am I willing?
- Would it serve them more if I didn’t help?
If the answer to any of the first three is no and the last one is yes, then it’s time for you to say NO. Do it strongly without excuses. Simply say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Leaving it at that will be a challenge. It will get easier with practice.
This simple act will honour you, your time and what’s important to you.
With all the open time you have by learning to set boundaries, it’s time to explore what’s important to you so you can keep your sensuality fed.
Here are some suggestions:
- Dedicate yourself to doing something EVERY day for yourself – even if it only takes 10 minutes.
- Set the habit that once a week you have a day to yourself with friends, your partner or alone.
- Make a minimum of 10 Selfish Goals (things you want that are just for you) and do the small ones at least once a month and set a timeline and action steps for creating the larger ones.
- When you look in the mirror send yourself positive messages about your looks as well as your abilities and your right to what you want in life.
- Celebrate your successes and progress.
It’s time for you to put yourself into the equation of your life. As women, we are natural nurturers. You need your nurturing too!
Putting me first = giving others the gift of who I am + giving them the inspiration to be themselves = a better world for us all!
Be beautiful, be you. Your true, authentic sensuality will create a ripple effect in the world, starting with the children you value so highly. They deserve it, and so do you!
Christie Mawer is an inspirational speaker, sensuality coach, and your advocate for you to embrace that you are beautiful and amazing just as you are…no changes required! To reach her, email Christine@TheBadKitty.com or visit www.TheBadKitty.com.
